So I caught you up with the past appointment and test from Monday. Well Thursday mother and I had a female appointment. The appointment was not til 2:15 so we were going to work that morning until Mrs. Janice got in to relieve us. So the day called Thursday started out ok...and got BAD!
As you all know Crohn's is never the same...it can never make its mind up. People always ask..."isn't Crohn's where you go the bathroom A LOT?" To those people I would like to kindly punch them in the stomach and then sweetly smile. :)
I'm sorry that, that had to be violent, but right now it is taking everything I have right now to stay stable and not break down completely. I just took two dilaudid and am praying that I find amazing relief. The pain I feel in the right side of my abdomen and rectum is not a fun feeling.
Now let me explain what FIRST happened Thursday and then I will explain that it happened a SECOND TIME TODAY!!!
Now this will probably be one of my most graphic blog entries but this blog was created to post the reality of what this disease is and what it does to not only my body but to my emotions and to the relationships in my life. So if you are not prepared to read VERY GRAPHIC material then just stop here and know that I love you and COMPLETELY understand.
Well...first my appetite has been starting to go again. That means that I don't eat a lot...forget that I didn't eat and have to be reminded by someone TO EAT! With that being said I had posted a while back that when I go to the bathroom the only way I know now that I need to go is I will get a deep stabbing pain in my rectum. Well I felt this pain come on Thursday about 10am. Well I immediately go "UH OH" and run to the bathroom and from there is when I seriously saw my life flash. When I say I saw my life flash I am not joking...not even in the least bit.
So I began to try to defecate. Yet again in my head I go "UH OH". Well with it being so long after a treatment I usually get very loose movements. I had been having loose movements so why would I take my Miralax. That would possibly leave me with slight incontinence. So I had not been taking it because there was no need. Well I felt the impaction and immediately got upset. I tried and tried pushing and could get nowhere. After attempting for about 10 minutes I began crying. By this time most of the impaction had moved to the second sphincter. See in your anal canal you have two sphincters. The one further up is involuntary...this means that you have no control and your sphincter naturally pushes it into the canal. The second sphincter is the one that we use to push and hold our movement in or push it out. Now that you know a little of that anatomy lets just say that my movement was passed the first sphincter but was too large and impacted to pass through the second. So I tried to not strain and hope that it would go back up to my intestines so that I could get off the pot pull up pants and leave the store to go get Miralax and chug chug chug.
Well I tried to stand and was still noticing that I could not stop straining. At that point I knew it was stuck and I was going to have to do as I did once before and do a digital fecal removal. (only way I know how to do this is because I AM STILL a nurse...just cant be a practicing nurse). So at this point I felt myself literally going in and out. I would be there one second and the next I would black out...so everytime I would come to I would realize I was crying...so finally I started screaming and crying for mom. She peaked in and she immediately knew...I said KY JELLY AND GLOVES FAST! She ran out and Mrs. Becky peaked in. Her face was shocked...door closed went out...came to and Mrs. Becky had a wet rag putting it to my face. She had said that I was so white you couldn't see my lips...I peaked up in the mirror and I was as white as the letters in this post. My veins were bright blue and bulged. After she closed I started talking to God. "God...I'm going in and out. Now I don't know what to do God...but I know I'm going in and out and I can't make it go back up. Now God...you can take me if it's your will, but Lord I can't strain anymore or do this much longer. I can't wait on God Mom...please help if if its your will to gather every strength and get this out." I started crying harder and literally drew up every strength I had knowing that I didn't have time to wait for mom to be back. I don't remember how but I passed what felt like twins. I am not exaggerating the least bit. After I passed I praised Him and cried. I broke out in a cold sweat and immediately felt the cutting deep pain. After sitting and trying to get my vagals and blood pressure calmed I composed myself and got my pants on and washed my hands. When mom made it back I let her know that I had passed it somehow someway. I started shaking and grabbed my jacket. Mrs. Becky and Mom were so good to me.
I'm going to stop at that. It was terrible...that's all I can say. So the female appointment went well. My doctor was so empathetic to everything that was going on. She gave another prescription of the ring and told me to make sure to keep it so that I didn't have a cycle. We still think I have endo and she doesn't want that to be not controlled since the Crohn's is not. She was so sweet. I even met a receptionist who has Celiac Disease. Her daughter also had been diagnosed but she was pretty sure she did not have that but indeed has Crohn's. We put together our signs and symptoms and it sounded dern close.
So TODAY - Slept in because my body needed sleep. Woke up and at 3:00. It hit again. Why I'm getting impacted I don't know. So after today I'm going back on Colace, Miralax and whatever else I want. Well today was BAD. I couldn't even draw up strength for this passing. So I prayed to God again. Well at home I have everything I need so yall...this is so embarrassing. But my nurse side came out and I gloved up got the KY and depacted what was literally about a foot and a half of impaction. I have taken pain medicine and know that more will follow very soon.
Just please pray for me. I seem to not be getting better, nor is anything working out it seems...I know it is strictly the devil and I am rebuking him loud and clear!
Also be in BIG prayers this Tuesday! Early that morning Papa Bear (my future father in law Andrew's Daddy) is having a heart cath and following that we are all going to meet my pain management doctor for the first time and get on a schedule to having a pain free life...or so we hope!
Pray that God sens me an empathetic pain management doctor who truly cares about my needs and my familys for my relief! Also be in prayer...I was supposed to set up my bacterial overgrowth test and I didn't because I WANT A BREAK! So I need prayer and have to do that and also prayer for my treament which is THIS WEEK! So much going on right now!
I love you all and thank you for everything you do! Prayers for my sweet friends
Jamie - as she is recovering from passing her kidney stones! and David - as he is nurses his wife to help
Kelly - as she battles her Crohn's! and also her little boy as he has to watch his mother endure this terrible disease!
Amy and Kyle - as they battle her Endo and IC and as they still seek God and His will for their hopes of a baby!
Mr. Walt my bebop - still fighting and recovering from the stroke! and also Mrs. Shirley and Lee and Mr. Walts children! For strength and peace and comfort!
Love you all!