Sunday, August 29, 2010

Prayer Please!

So I caught you up with the past appointment and test from Monday. Well Thursday mother and I had a female appointment. The appointment was not til 2:15 so we were going to work that morning until Mrs. Janice got in to relieve us. So the day called Thursday started out ok...and got BAD!

As you all know Crohn's is never the can never make its mind up. People always ask..."isn't Crohn's where you go the bathroom A LOT?" To those people I would like to kindly punch them in the stomach and then sweetly smile. :)

I'm sorry that, that had to be violent, but right now it is taking everything I have right now to stay stable and not break down completely. I just took two dilaudid and am praying that I find amazing relief. The pain I feel in the right side of my abdomen and rectum is not a fun feeling.

Now let me explain what FIRST happened Thursday and then I will explain that it happened a SECOND TIME TODAY!!!

Now this will probably be one of my most graphic blog entries but this blog was created to post the reality of what this disease is and what it does to not only my body but to my emotions and to the relationships in my life. So if you are not prepared to read VERY GRAPHIC material then just stop here and know that I love you and COMPLETELY understand.

Well...first my appetite has been starting to go again. That means that I don't eat a lot...forget that I didn't eat and have to be reminded by someone TO EAT! With that being said I had posted a while back that when I go to the bathroom the only way I know now that I need to go is I will get a deep stabbing pain in my rectum. Well I felt this pain come on Thursday about 10am. Well I immediately go "UH OH" and run to the bathroom and from there is when I seriously saw my life flash. When I say I saw my life flash I am not joking...not even in the least bit.

So I began to try to defecate. Yet again in my head I go "UH OH". Well with it being so long after a treatment I usually get very loose movements. I had been having loose movements so why would I take my Miralax. That would possibly leave me with slight incontinence. So I had not been taking it because there was no need. Well I felt the impaction and immediately got upset. I tried and tried pushing and could get nowhere. After attempting for about 10 minutes I began crying. By this time most of the impaction had moved to the second sphincter. See in your anal canal you have two sphincters. The one further up is involuntary...this means that you have no control and your sphincter naturally pushes it into the canal. The second sphincter is the one that we use to push and hold our movement in or push it out. Now that you know a little of that anatomy lets just say that my movement was passed the first sphincter but was too large and impacted to pass through the second. So I tried to not strain and hope that it would go back up to my intestines so that I could get off the pot pull up pants and leave the store to go get Miralax and chug chug chug.

Well I tried to stand and was still noticing that I could not stop straining. At that point I knew it was stuck and I was going to have to do as I did once before and do a digital fecal removal. (only way I know how to do this is because I AM STILL a nurse...just cant be a practicing nurse). So at this point I felt myself literally going in and out. I would be there one second and the next I would black everytime I would come to I would realize I was finally I started screaming and crying for mom. She peaked in and she immediately knew...I said KY JELLY AND GLOVES FAST! She ran out and Mrs. Becky peaked in. Her face was shocked...door closed went out...came to and Mrs. Becky had a wet rag putting it to my face. She had said that I was so white you couldn't see my lips...I peaked up in the mirror and I was as white as the letters in this post. My veins were bright blue and bulged. After she closed I started talking to God. "God...I'm going in and out. Now I don't know what to do God...but I know I'm going in and out and I can't make it go back up. Now can take me if it's your will, but Lord I can't strain anymore or do this much longer. I can't wait on God Mom...please help if if its your will to gather every strength and get this out." I started crying harder and literally drew up every strength I had knowing that I didn't have time to wait for mom to be back. I don't remember how but I passed what felt like twins. I am not exaggerating the least bit. After I passed I praised Him and cried. I broke out in a cold sweat and immediately felt the cutting deep pain. After sitting and trying to get my vagals and blood pressure calmed I composed myself and got my pants on and washed my hands. When mom made it back I let her know that I had passed it somehow someway. I started shaking and grabbed my jacket. Mrs. Becky and Mom were so good to me.

I'm going to stop at that. It was terrible...that's all I can say. So the female appointment went well. My doctor was so empathetic to everything that was going on. She gave another prescription of the ring and told me to make sure to keep it so that I didn't have a cycle. We still think I have endo and she doesn't want that to be not controlled since the Crohn's is not. She was so sweet. I even met a receptionist who has Celiac Disease. Her daughter also had been diagnosed but she was pretty sure she did not have that but indeed has Crohn's. We put together our signs and symptoms and it sounded dern close.

So TODAY - Slept in because my body needed sleep. Woke up and at 3:00. It hit again. Why I'm getting impacted I don't know. So after today I'm going back on Colace, Miralax and whatever else I want. Well today was BAD. I couldn't even draw up strength for this passing. So I prayed to God again. Well at home I have everything I need so yall...this is so embarrassing. But my nurse side came out and I gloved up got the KY and depacted what was literally about a foot and a half of impaction. I have taken pain medicine and know that more will follow very soon.

Just please pray for me. I seem to not be getting better, nor is anything working out it seems...I know it is strictly the devil and I am rebuking him loud and clear!

Also be in BIG prayers this Tuesday! Early that morning Papa Bear (my future father in law Andrew's Daddy) is having a heart cath and following that we are all going to meet my pain management doctor for the first time and get on a schedule to having a pain free life...or so we hope!

Pray that God sens me an empathetic pain management doctor who truly cares about my needs and my familys for my relief! Also be in prayer...I was supposed to set up my bacterial overgrowth test and I didn't because I WANT A BREAK! So I need prayer and have to do that and also prayer for my treament which is THIS WEEK! So much going on right now!

I love you all and thank you for everything you do! Prayers for my sweet friends

Jamie - as she is recovering from passing her kidney stones! and David - as he is nurses his wife to help

Kelly - as she battles her Crohn's! and also her little boy as he has to watch his mother endure this terrible disease!

Amy and Kyle - as they battle her Endo and IC and as they still seek God and His will for their hopes of a baby!

Mr. Walt my bebop - still fighting and recovering from the stroke! and also Mrs. Shirley and Lee and Mr. Walts children! For strength and peace and comfort!

Love you all!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Prepare to Read!

So I told all of you this was coming. I'm sorry that I have to bunch so much up together, but between being in hospital, doctor visits, treatments, flush...whatever...I am pulled every which way! the last time I told you of all the blood work they is update from that and everything else...

Wednesday August 18, 2010

Dr. Rodriguez calls. I had called prior to that and told Michelle that I still was not feeling well. Still hurting...stomach pains still bad,joint pains still bad, going to bathroom more, wanting to throw up food...yadda yadda. Well Dr. Rodriguez called later...maybe around like 4:30. So first is first. Rheumatoid and Scleroderma...EVERYTHING came back NEGATIVE! Now to most people they would say praise the Lord...not in my case! We were wanting to find something so we could treat it...something is not allowing my Crohn's to get better...or gosh we WANT to think that...I hope my case is just not this bad and to the point of almost untreatable! point is he calls and I get coninuing

I was like "Dr. mean to tell my my back pain, my knee pain...all of my joint pain...hip pop out...everything IS from the Crohn's?" *I had built it in my head finally that maybe it wasn't all the Crohn's* He answered back saying "I'm afraid at this point I have to say so." Well he could tell I got more upset and I told him "I just don't know anymore..." He came back and said "Well how do you think I feel Allison...I'm your doctor...I feel like I'm failing you as a doctor." I cried some and said "No Dr. Rodriguez! you are not and if anything it isn't just you I have a bunch of doctors on my case." I told him I just felt like giving up and he said " have to keep hope." He then told me of two more tests that he wanted to try...

One - Lactose Intolerant Test

Two - Bacteria Overgrowth Test

Next day would be Thursday the 19th. Now this would be the day I should be getting my treatment with the double dose...that Thursday marked 6 weeks...but lovely insurance had not approved so I didn't get it...(nor have I this week) I guess it will be 8 STILL even though IT HAS BEEN ORDERED to 6 weeks 10 mg/kg. I also mentioned something about the treatment change on the phone to Dr. Rodriguez and he assured that he had sent the order in.

So Mrs. Rene called (Thursday) and said she was going to come see me at the store! I was hoping that she had got the order, but she didn't. So she came to the store and told me not the best news. (I love you Mrs. Rene) Well...I will try to make this short. In short words, my insurance who had complained in the first place that the treatments HAD TO BE AT HOME OR IN AN INFUSION CLINIC...are NOT paying the home health visit fee Mrs. Rene said that due to the not cooperating (which is how insurance is no matter what) I would have to come to the hospital to have my treatments. I immediately started bawling like a baby and she held me (thank you Mrs. Rene). The whole point of the treatments at home is to keep me comfortable, stress free, and just I don't is better for a person physically, emotionally, mentally. So being upset, I told her I wanted to give up..and as always she told me I couldn't. I then told her I was quitting my treatments LOL! (I look back and laugh which I still say it now) and she gave me her look and said "Do you want to die"? I'm laughing typing this part but at the time I was sobbing like a 2 month old... so we talked and she held and prayed with me. Well she doesn't know the after math and I wasn't going to tell her but she will read this and whoop my butt at my treatment this coming up week :)....

After she left was another story...I had gotten SO UPSET...that my lovely disease went full force...I started dry heaving...I then calmed down. Well I walked back up front to the store where mom was and started talking about it again...about that time Andrew's dad walks through the door, Mrs. Candy, and Mrs. Joy were there and I LOST IT!!! I started bawling again and Mr. Bob came and hugged me and told me we were going to get through it. I then had worked myself up so much that I ran to the bathroom...from there I dry heaved until I ended up throwing up my guts...I thought I was ok...well Papa Bear (Mr. Bob -Andrew's Dad) didn't leave and was waiting on me to get out...he had a cold rag ready and was holding it to my face and holding my body to stop shaking.

Well it was close to closing up. Mom and I closed up...went to the house and I felt so terrible! I was nauseated to the point I didn't want to move. I was FREEZING!!!! but temperature wise was as hot as a furnace. I had to use the restroom so I scooted to there...after I looked in the mirror...I had red dots all over my face, neck, and chest...well I immediately got alarmed and showed mom. About this time the stabbing pains were becoming unnoticeable and I layed on the couch again. About 20 minutes into fighting I told mom we HAD TO GO TO THE ER! I knew I couldn't make it to Mobile so we just went to Jackson...if someone I don't like would have been in there I was ready to punch them and leave...but thank my HEAVENLY FATHER ABOVE WHO WATCHES OVER ME NO MATTER WHAT....DR. FAGBONGBE WAS THERE!!!!!!!!

All of you know that I worked very very closely with him...I cannot count how many babies we delivered together and how many patients we took care of together. He was always the one to lift me up and understand my situation. He always had the compassion and was the one who helped push for my mediport! God bless that man!

Well mom registered me and saw that he was on call...well when she came through the door she said look and I turned and it was him...I immediately start bawling again and he motioned for me to come and he just hugged me and said he would get to me. Well I have Crohn's and when it comes to triage I come we waited a good while. Well we get back to the room and I was dying in pain...didn't let anyone know I was there because didn't want to stay or plan on staying so waste of time.

My nurse was absolutely precious and so sensitive to my disease. Her daughter as well suffers with an autoimmune disease and knows all the baggage carried with them. We had to access port twice because the half inch wasn't getting it this time...that made me sad because Mrs. Rene and I always brag on my port and now it is just being a handful...I will get her to fix it up though (right Mrs. Rene :)?). So I won't go into all the details of what was said or happened...Dr. Fagbongbe just told me I was going to have to start controlling my emotions. I have explained Crohn's being an INFLAMMATORY DISEASE! That means one upset and its like lighting a huge firework. Oh and the red dots...I had petechiae. That is when your capillaries literally hemmorahage due to extreme strain (like throwing up which I did and hard crying which I also did). I'm shaking typing this because it is getting so aggravated recalling all of this to memory that its just making it sick. I told him about the week and all the bad news, and the insurance crap and just told him I was trying to control my emotions but I had so much bad news prior. Well he was so sweet and helped me...

He gave me a 1000 ml banana bag (lots of vitamins in fluid), phenergan through drip, pepcid push, zofran push, and demerol push! About 20 minutes in I felt the demerol kick and my pain eased pretty well! I of course was highly sedated just because, but the pain wasn't dulled all the way!

So he came in later and asked what I wanted to do! Kelly you know how I am...I said GO HOME!!!!!! (girl you know how it is in fun!)I then said something about load up demerol and he just laughed and said I had already had 75....what you all don't understand is that Crohn's pain is a haunting pain...that is why you are supposed to stay and not leave...once the effect wears off...the pain is back. So I just toughed on my one dose and left and came home around 1 am. Well 3 am back up with pain and nausea. Took some pills and back to bed. Went to work the next morning because I AM INSANE! LOL!

Weekend went house, Drew's house...he takes such good care of me...Sunday night he comes over to spend the night because MONDAY = 4 HOUR TEST DAY!!!!

So Andrew and I wake up yesterday morning at 5 AM!!!! My test began at 8...go to the hospital to the room and I get to drink the NASTY NASTY STUFF CALLED PURE LACTOSE SUGAR!!!!! Imagine Pedialyte mixed with Chlorine water mixed with salt water and sugar....oh gosh...nauseated just typing it. Well most of you know I couldn't eat drink after 12 prior and couldn't eat drink brush teeth no pills all that day til the 4 hours were completed. Well I was nauseated and hurting already so I was like how in the heck will I get this down.

My sweet little Andrew was sitting beside me cheering me on. I told Michelle..."I'm gonna throw it up" She didn't like that and said we would have to start ALL OVER! Well somehow I chugged that crap down and it started coming up...Andrew was cheering me and I kept gagging...finally I convinced my stomach to keep it...

So every hour we had to come back and blow in a bag to check if the hydrogen would go up...NEVER DID!!!!! I told all of you that we can trace back my crohn's disease to 3 years old. I would know if I was lactose intolerant or not by now so I knew the test would come negative.

At this time though...if you drew blood and told me I was an alien I would say Hallelujah just because we found something!!!!!! Smurf, Smiegel...I don't care...just help me with something to help the crohn's.

Well...11 go across to Dr. Rider. Spent forever in upset because I had to talk to a STUPID RESIDENT! He kept asking about my butt pain and I was like "SIR...MY BUTT PAIN AND ANUS PAIN IS NOT THAT BAD...IT IS NUMB COMPARED TO MY STOMACH PAIN!!!" I don't know how many times I had to say that before he got the dumb point. Well when Rider finally came in...I was already mad talking to Mr. Russian Resident. I told Rider that I was tired of explaining my horrid disease to everyone! LOL I was on one y'all! LOL! I'm telling you...after being pushed here and there you get gutsy! :) Well Dr. Rider prescribed me my dilaudid after being there forever and a day and I blew in my bag (poor andrew had to run back to the hospital to get the bag to blow in because I was stuck at riders...he is so good to me) so we leave Rider and take the bag back to Rodriguez's office...NEGATIVE AGAIN!!!!

So when I walk in I hand the bag and was flamed up...Michelle asked what was wrong and I told her. She said that she was going to call Dr. Rod and tell him results. I started crying and asked her "What are we going to do?" and asked if there was anymore tests besides the bacterial overgrowth left...she just shrugged and said "I really don't know Allison...I think he is trying to pull straws right now with you..but at least he isn't giving up." I came back and said I am...

So she called me after we left saying Rodriguez wanted appointment for the Overgrowth test so PLEASE EVERYONE PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS ONE!!!! WE NEED A POSITIVE! CRAZY PRAYER REQUEST BUT WE NEED SOMETHING! It would definitely be feasible with the abdominal swelling and nausea...and so on.

After this I was down and just talked to Andrew. I called Jamie and vented to her as well! (thank you Jamie :) I love you). Andrew asked what would make me happy and I told him "Owl Earrings" Well we went to the mall and by goodness we found me some owl earrings and I was a happy little girl. We got a pretzel, walked around, and just spent fun couple time together! He made me laugh and got my mind off everything!

Well after that we headed to Mobile Infimary...I got to see Mr. Walt (my bebop)! He really couldn't say much but I talked to him and told him I loved him. We then went to the waiting room and stayed with Mrs. Shirley for a few hours and prayed with her.

After - movie that stressed me out LOL nail biter - and dinner...(you don't want to know this but I told Andrew I was eating the most buttered up thing so I would wipe my tummy clean of the lactose junk - well lets just say it worked :) ) Dear goodness you all...I am getting way too personal! HAH! Ok...this is fun though!

After dinner we went by Michael's and bought my future little niece some letters and the paint so I could paint her signet to match her bedding. After that we headed back to Mobile Infirmary to visit Mr. Gary! (Brianna's daddy - Momma Pickards hubby)! Andrew and I didn't have time when we went to see Mr. Walt so we just made another trip. We got to spend a good few hours with him and catch up on him. He was so sweet and even asked about me. I got teary with him...I'm just a little emotion ball right now. Andrew and I had the privilege to pray for him and then we left to give him so rest! Then my tired tired angel and my crazy emotional EXHAUSTED self headed to Jackson. I told him that I had enjoyed our day so much!

See...the day did SUCK! but after getting to pray with Mrs. Shirley and be there for her and Mr. Walt and visit Mr. Gary and fellowship and pray with him...God had already turned my day from yucky to BLESSING! God is so good! So a big thank you to everyone who contributed to the day change. I mean it still didn't change the fact of my bad news, but just getting to be with other Christians going through hard times just helps you fight harder.

When Andrew and I were praying with Mr. Gary I just let God have with it...and he gave me words to pray about Satan attacking all of us believers...and how he was bringing the tribulations and trials through illness and sickness...we rebuked Satan and his evil plans to destroy our health and lives...we told God that we knew He WAS AND IS GREATER! and has plans no matter what! - chronic fatigue...super tired after writing this, but you all deserve to know because you all are part that keeps me going whether you know it or not. Your prayers, your reading of these words to know specifics to pray, your words of encouragement, your friendships, your love, your compassion, your honesty...I could go on and on! Just know that each of you reading this are a huge part of my fight and I need you more than you know!!!!

I love you all and please please be praying that when we set up this test it will come back positive! This test will be 3 hours and with this I cannot leave so I will have to stay in the clinic at the hospital for the full 3 hours! first visit to see the pain management doctor is coming this Monday! I had a BUTTLOAD of paper work to fill out, but I am excited because I know the doctor will be able to help me with pain that is never ceasing it seems!

I know this was confusing and I'm sorry...Just so much! over so much time!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Friday the 13th and I'm at the Doctor...WHAT!?

Friday the 13th...the day of my appointment with Dr. Rodriguez. As always the love of my life drives me to Mobile for my appointment. Now before this I knew that I would be going to have lots of blood work. Dr. Rodriguez and I had talked on the phone after my last hospital stay about possibilities of other autoimmune disease. What a lot of people don't know is that autoimmune diseases sometimes decide they want to pile together. So if you are diagnosed with one you should always be checked for others.

So we arrive at 1. They take my blood pressure and it is 128/78...which is high for me because my normal is 80/60. I was in pain and very nauseated at the arrival. In the waiting room I placed my head in Andrew's lap.

so first is first. I told you my blood pressure. Well Michelle checked my pulse and when she went to she noticed my hands were very clamy. Now get this I was super cold but my feet and hands were sweating. This happens a lot and I never knew why. After she is finished, Dr. Rodriguez walks through the door...he shook Andrew's hand and came straight to me and gave me a hug. I hugged him back because there was so much bottled up. I love Dr. Rodriguez and what he does for me, but as you all know I get frustrated with him.

He always starts with asking me what is going on. I immediately got emotional and told him face had already inflamed and was red and I was like just wait my chest will break into that moment Andrew said "it already is". So I explained the never ceasing nausea and pain. How it hurts when I have a bowel movement. How it feels that someone is sticking a knife up my booty and how one morning I couldn't breathe because everytime I took a breathe I couldn't because my stomach would spasm. (so pretty much I was hurting in my stomach to breathe). He listened and seemed concerned...this time I wanted to make sure my point was for those of you that know me I am sorry for this next part. I hope you don't think any less of me but I was so upset and in so much pain it came out...

he looked at me and I started bawling and said "Dr. Rodriguez I FEEL LIKE SHIT!" I started crying harder and was like "You know how much I love Jesus and you heard me...I fell like s-h-i-t!" I could tell that he could see it was hurting for me to say it in those words and for me to be in the emotional and physical pain I was in. I then continued "I was praying and talking to God on the way up here asking Him to give me the words to tell you HOW BAD IT IS! Dr. Rodriguez I am nauseated to the point I CANNOT MOVE OR SPEAK!" I cried and tried to gain a little composure and started again "I don't know how to make you understand...I'm not like all these other Crohn's patients...I'm not just nauseated Dr. Rodriguez...I couldn't talk to my mother the other day because I knew I would throw up just from talking!"

You all it gets to the point that I have crawled to bed...not talked to people...just layed on the's like a robot who just shuts down...

So we started talking about signs and symptoms of the Crohn's and when they get worse...I told him right at 4 weeks was when everything would start getting worse

At 4 weeks my body begins rejecting and needing the Remicade...after I eat my body wants to throw up anything I have eaten so I have to spit some and then fan myself to keep the food down...every week after gets worse until I get to like the week of treatment and the throwing up begins...

So we talk about Remicade...he started serious...he said he was afraid that possibly I was building an antibody against the Remicade. I just looked shocked "I thought you said I could only build it if I quit taking it and thats why I was on it for life" He came back "I know...we all did but now there are articles saying that in some of the autoimmune cases it is showing building antibodies sometimes just against it for no reason". Well that was bad news one....

Bad news two...there is no way I can have Remicade every 4 way you can have those infusions that often. Medically not permitted and definitely not by insurance...part good news - he is ordering for the Remicade to be 10mg/kg instead of 5mg/ that will be double the dose...instead of 3 vials...I will get 6 vials. Also instead of getting treatments every 8 weeks...we are working for every 6 only problem with this is sometimes insurance wants to step in and say no. So what he has to do is get enough evidence to fight and say SHE HAS TO HAVE IT. Dr. Rodriguez will get it and I have faith in him just because if I don't get it raised...I WILL build antibodies and yall these treatments are my LAST OPTION!!!!! WE NEED THIS!

So next is next. "I have been mad at you Dr. Rodriguez" Him- *he smiled* "I know this you told me already." I laughed and couldn't help not being mad. I then asked him what the heck was I supposed to do about my severe pain since he doesn't prescribe narcotics...I told him I was like "Dr. Rod if I didn't have Dr. Rider giving me the dilaudids...I would be dying...I said what would you do..." He then went into the same thing as Rider and was setting up talking to one of his fellow doctor friends who is a pain management doctor. He was going to send my case in and get an appointment set up with him...

So after this...this is where it gets serious. So he tells me of this new test that is out for people with Crohns...I don't even know how to spell it...but it is called the Premethius Test.... :(

Premethius Test = my prognosis (who knew crohn's patients had dang prognosis's...well I do)

So it will show what will happen to me in 20 years...the rate at which the disease will worsen...the rate at which it will attack my body...the damage it will do...when the Remicade will quit working...when and if we will have the dreaded surgery...and just well you know...

After he explained I just sighed and said "Dr. Rodriguez...why do we want to know...we know it's not good...

he wouldn't even look at me....that part hurt more than anything because he knows as I do that even putting in faith and even believing medically it's not bright...

Now for those of you reading...don't think that my faith is not strong...believe is or I wouldn't be writing this 8 months later not crying but feeling stronger and more ready to fight harder. God and I have talked and He has shown me that He wants me to carry this burden and put my trust in faith in HIM so that others can see that HE IS THE ONLY WAY!!! yes it is a burden but HE CARRIED THE BURDEN OF THE CROSS!

Back to story....I forgot to talk about clamy...he brought it up and I rubbed my sweaty hand on him lol...he was like oh my...and then I was like FEEL MY FEET...he was so silly and jumped back and made an icky face! :) That is why I love him. So he felt and they were ice cold and sweaty. (clamy)...he then had me do a test...forgot the name I know bad nurse allison...I flexed my hands down and put my wrists together...he told me to tell him when I felt something...I asked what...he said anything..I was like "I know what you are doing" (but actually had forgot)

After a minute I said " wrists are burning" he nodded and told me to keep doing it...few more seconds "my fingers are numb and tingling" few more minutes....he told me to stop and flipped my hands over...fingertips were purple...Raynauds Phenomenon....

I told him hey I KNOW WHAT THAT IS! I then said you look at me...He laughed and did and I said I know what you think I have Mr. because I have medical books too...he laughed again and said what? and I said the dang lupus...he said no mam! I got very excited he didn't think I had that...(ps my chest is still in thousands of hives) so I honest come on what do you think I have...

so now we are thinking along with Crohn's...Rheumatoid Arthritis and Scleroderma...both chronic autoimmune diseases as well. Now all of you know I have complained of hip, back, knee...just all the joint pain. Well joint pain is associated in bad cases of Crohn's but with mine being so widespread it makes sense. You will have to look both up but I have every sign and symptom of both. They also both run with Crohn's very easily.

So...I asked why it was so important to know...he said well you need to treat everything...if everything gets treated then it might possibly relieve one of the others and help treat them. He gave me an example:

"Allison what if we had rheumatoid diagnosed but not Crohn's...we would be treating joint pain and swelling and be missing a vital disease that would be worsening the rheumatoid and worsening the Crohn's..."

That made plenty we ran probably like 8 blood work tests...lets just say my arm was hurting from blood being drawn.

He then layed me back and palpated my intestines...I kept spasming against him and he was like quit moving...I laughed and said I can't help it...its my body...he just laughed because he knows with Crohn's your body contracts with the intestinal spasms...

He told me that along with raising the chemo and shortening the time in between doses...he was ALSO PUTTING ME BACK ON THE IMMUNOSUPPRESIVE PILL! I will have no immune system lol which is good though because that is what is killing my body.

Also...I told him about the contract I had signed to get my bachelors in nursing and told him they said I could cancel it since my medical condition was not well I just had to have a written letter and documentation of my diagnosis and prognosis...I was afraid he was going to go back and be like you weren't supposed to quit nursing and then I was going to freak...

I felt like a weight had been lifted...he was upset that I was in a contract with it...he didn't like that due to stress factors that can trigger me and he knows that nursing was out for my health so he was like "you just let me know when I need to send, where, and what all I need to say and we are GETTING YOU OUT!" I felt like he was my hero right then!!

Also...he wants to do the promethius only on me and one other girl...with our cases being not so wonderful he is doing us first as the little test piggies...he said it has been proven very accurate but it costs 600 dollars...he wants to make sure insurance is going to cover...because I mean heck with this disease everything is already expensive...

So...I wrote this without crying once and I am very proud of myself for that. I guess that means I am starting to deal with that diagnosis and all that bitter-sweet information...

So now I'm asking for be honest we are banking and hoping that I do have the Rheumatoid and Scleroderma just because that could be a possibility nothing is getting better because there are more diseases that are all just feeding off one another.

So please pray that whatever needs to be found is...don't pray for it not be there...just pray that GOD'S WILL, WILL BE DONE!!!!! I want HIS WILL! (whatever it may be)

I love you all and apologize for the length and for the rawness and for the one bad language part but I want you all to know everything uncut and true! I love you all very much!

Please also be in prayer for my sweet friend Kelly in Georgia...she had been in the hospital with her Crohn's for over a month...I haven't been able to contact her much and be there for her as much as I would like because I myself have been a mess! Just pray for her and God's will for her life.